riding the wave

the end

Fri, 24 Mar 2006 19:14:49 GMT

so i'm writing a lot and want to start using lj again. i haven't used this journal in a while and i feel like i'm turning away from who i was when i started it, so i figured i might as well lay this one to rest. if any of you care to add my new journal, its here: becoming_wolf

i should start using it regularly after break is over next week

Tue, 20 Dec 2005 20:27:57 GMT

cross-posted from anarchists:

Solidarity with the NYC transit strike!

The transit strike began in New York today. While we might live across the country, and are not directly affected, we recognize that this is one of the most important instances of class confrontation that the U.S. has seen in 20 years. Given this, we think that we should do whatever we can to support the workers currently on an illegal strike, since they are being attacked on all sides (and are doing hundreds of millions of dollars of damage to our class enemy).

While the possibilities for solidarity are endless, an easy and safe starting point might be making phone calls to express your views. You can call 212-NEW YORK, and within 3 minutes reach an operator. (212) 788-3000 is the number for the office of the mayor. (800) METRO-INFO is the number of the Metro Transit Authority (who have had service shut down by the strike). Wait times for the last one are the longest at about 5 minutes, and its really busy. Remember, be polite and don't call multiple times- its not as if creating a disruption or costing additional money might be helpful to the strikers.

West Texas ACC

Here's an article on the strike:
http://www.wsws.org/articles/2005/dec2005/tran-d20.shtml

Remember, transportation struggles seem to be more and more key in the larger struggle against capitalist development, whether in San Francisco (with their own campaign against fare hikes and lay-offs), Indiana and Texas (against privatized highways like I-69), or NYC!

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 04:16:27 GMT

i just saw that lauralin tagged me and i got a lot of new music so i figured i'd show it off. some have links to mp3's.

1/jackie-o motherfucker - "nice one" (navajo traditional; from Flags of the Sacred Harp)
2/wooden wand & the vanishing voice - "dogpaddlin' home to live with my lord" (from The Flood) (mp3s)
3/xiu xiu - "sad pony guerilla girl" (live; from Life and Live) (mp3s)
4/paavoharju - "ilmaa virtaa" (from Yhä Hämärää) (mp3s)
5/lights - "little one" (from Tour CDR) (mp3s)
6/sanhedolin - "untitled 3" (from Manjoicchi Wa Muko) (mp3s)
7/mogwai - "glasgow mega-snake" (from Mr. Beast) (mp3s)

i'd tag people but i'm a busy man and that already ate up too much of my time

uneasy.

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 22:59:48 GMT

under white blanket
thick breath think
death might wait
blank below the glowing
carpeting white blanketing
the brink

of being under
'neath the curtains
of cleavage to have
and hold and all
thats old will
rust but someday
turn to gold

and sleep beneath thin white
sheets think i might keep
my reach within
my sight my
feet think for me
and stumble out before
me meeting theives theifing
for a fight
right neat
thing that might
seep i might
see peaking
within my reach
all right but

oh seeing plundered
preachers reap the
fortunes that
they seek
sneaking deep
within the
seed sewn to grow
a golden sheep

bleating 'bove the sheets
i seem hopelessly
under 'neath black
curtains i keep count
of the mounting
sounding of uncertainty

surrounding me i sleep
uneasy.

-------

not how i'll do the spacing. it'll get much longer too i'm sure, lotta potential. i've been writing poetry compulsively, which is a relief.

i'm doing a preliminary dig into deleuze tonight, followed by hours of legal philosophy note-taking for presentation tomorrow. maybe some div II work? wish me luck.

jane-storm (eh)

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 15:26:00 GMT

potential ideas for jane addams articles:

-kansas school board and the definition of science (evolution vs ID debate; epitemological definition of science)

-radicalization of one party/sterilization of the other - the dynamics of the American two party system during the 2000 and 2004 presidential elections (backlash against clinton-style moderate neoprogressivism, extreme radicalization of right, moderatization of left; forces progressive thinkers into choosing between ridding themselves of a harmfully radical party and being stuck with a hopelessly moderate and reactionary party)

i had more but i didn't sleep last night, things are slipping out of my mind, i'll come back to them and the ones i've listed later. i can't wait to get started on them but its going to be a while.

intellectualism, reframing

Mon, 05 Dec 2005 10:08:52 GMT

interesting discussion in anarchists about intellectualism, specifically the role of intellectuals. i've been thinking about Gramsci's notion of intellectualism and how it might be useful, given the obvious need for a reframing in the public forum of the concept, as the neocon bullhorns and subsequently most of the working class regard 'intellectuals' with little more dignity than the French.

there was some predictable bickering resulting from unclear terms, but towards the end some were attempting clear definions. i especially liked misswong's terms, and replied, noting their closeness to Gramsci.

her defintions, as my interpretation and comparison to Gramsci's
intellectuals - reflective, critical, self-determining individuals. develop these skills through an active engagement with their own social situation, specifically class consciousness. akin to the Gramscian 'organic intellectual'.

academics - primary intellectual laborers in society. formerly centered in the church, and over time shifted to schools, scientific and political institutions, and other such establishments. always distant to working class, physical laborers. typically bourgeois, usually confront the working class as alien and having contradictory interests to their own. Gramsci's 'traditional intellectuals'.

---
i think that this kind of subtle reconfiguration of the use of these terms could be potentially beneficial for a wider effort of reframing the discourse on intellectualism in the public sphere, i.e. media, blogs, party organizing, unions, whatever else.

adriana pt1

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 22:30:09 GMT

there were
times when time
was less mine
than yours
and for nothing
would i be led off
course

heading towards
the bedding
on your bedroom floor

anna pt2

Fri, 24 Jun 2005 20:19:29 GMT

not many people
know that i am
still the person
i used to
be before
sinking into
your red sea
like being caught
in the undertow.

i don't even know it.

i haven't suffered
a whole lot in
my life
i have suffered
the blade of my
own knife and
the hole it made
when she left
for the night.

but
i don't even know it.

ashley pt1

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 23:32:47 GMT

let the language
we speak,
meek tho it may
be become the tree
whose shade in
which we lay,

let the language
we share
stare through
whose shining eyes
i see, and make
of me what
it will, the
wind is still
between our bodies
when we wake

goodnight to the morning you
sing out bright yellow
moon we shall see her soon
you say,

our hands are tangled in
the tall
long grass all
along the longing grey
of the field in
which we lay

the language we
weave to warm our
wings holds me to
dream of finer things,
your glowing image
tho it brings,
my lonely soul
it does deceive

anna pt1

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 17:03:52 GMT

i find it important
to choose my battles
wisely by
tying up the
phone line eyes closed
blindfolds
already declined and
find it stuck
in my back like a
series of unprovoked
attacks

match me on this
promise of penance and
fend off the
impending sentence
with deadly speed
i leave and left the
rest of my memory
hanging on the trees

she kept my hand in
hers she was coming
in for a landing her
eyes were red she cooed
my name i could
do nothing
but watch the rain

and kiss me she said and
i leaned in awkward
she was warm she took
me in her arms
on some
missing friend's bed and
said to me i love you
she said it all in
her hand on my cheek she
didn't have to say a word
she didn't even
have to speak

and i can't stand you to be a bad man

Thu, 04 Nov 2004 07:32:44 GMT

heh, well her name is anna, annabella, and she is from LA, a real dangerous angel, red dreads, wind-rushing-out-of-your-lungs beautiful, the sweetest girl. she is so close to me already. im just pouring over inside with love for her and we are connecting and getting closer and sometimes when we're alone and i'll just be looking into her eyes and oh god, if i could write down the way i feel right then, if only i could.

and i want her to know that i don't want anything but whats beautiful and warm and that we already see when we are close to eachother. its just a pure innocent sweetheart wanna-hold-your-hand kinda thing. i just want to be with her. like we'll sit against eachother for warmth outside, and occaisional head-resting on shoulder kinda things, and once or twice i dont think i imagined her had brushing mine. and like, ive noticed when we're alone in the heat of conversation, our faces are getting closer.

but she also is lonely, and its not always such a bad thing, but falling in love isnt such a bad thing either. and i know she believes in falling in love and she believes in soulmates, in that perfect closeness with a person, and like i dont see a reason why she would oppose being in any kind of relationship.

during an awkward pause today she was like 'reid, what is it?' and i was like 'what is what?', and she was being flirtatious and like answer it how you want, so i said while looking into her deep gorgeous eyes 'its the most beautiful thing ive ever seen' and she said 'thats awful heavy' and i said 'i dont care if its heavy', and it flirtatiously trailed off.

Mon, 11 Oct 2004 06:03:44 GMT

for october break, a lot of motherfuckers went home. so i have been rather bored up here, spending the days doing basically nothing. but its all good, because my friend anna is bringing back coke for us from the city on tuesday, and by then everyone will be back and things will be happening again.

heading straight for a fall or
my poetry was lousy, you said

im planning for my first staged production, a workshop which i will write and maybe direct, so im somewhat excited for that. but yeah, mostly im just sitting here in limbo, or something like hanging in the air, waiting to be blown off

over the last two days i was supposed to cash checks and write papers and other nonsense, but i chose to waste time, which was almost as effective. today i did about a month of laundry and rearranged my room. i smoked with my hippie friend stephen this morning, and yesterday, and probably tomorrow. im out of weed. fuck.

so yeah, these are just fuck you days. its like paradise here except there is hardly anything to fight against, which takes some getting used to. i need to start a punk band. (and do lsd tomorrow)

Sun, 10 Oct 2004 05:01:56 GMT

some poetry hurts,
don't under
stand that ma'
am? am
i supposed
to
do

nothing?
well yes, and stand open-mouthed in a rainstorm,
darlin'.

i am currently upside down, being born, mad in some underground bunker, spinning, a little dizzy like dizzy from being born, something may crowd around me, memories standing shortly away, i look and see something seperate from myself. and then everyone leaves for this weekend, so im all alone here. but look on the bright side i'll get things
clean

all nice and clean yeah, and then i can sit in the sunshine or something

why did you eat us? he said in a whisper

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 01:35:46 GMT

we may also be dead, but we are still living together and-
delaying this philosophy paper and that, but living here like under a bubble like in god's fishtank. we open our eyes at the same time to wake up and kiss eachother on the lips before we start to see the ceiling floating up above, the same color as last night, you look out the window wearing nothing-

don't talk to anyone either, some of them hide poison behind their teeth-

free spinning here on the glass edge spinning with constant momentum and not falling over the side anymore

so there is this problem of finding that person and holding fast but never fast enough to catch her eye before she walks away, i am left motionless, speechless

beautiful dreamer
thursday night two members of the weather underground visited school to answer questions and whatnot, which was amazing, and then that next night thurston moore of sonic youth performed with an improv/noise trio, and he played with a few other fucking incredible bands and it was a free show, yay. the third performance of the night, right after thurston's total-mindfuck-and-rip-your-body-away-ultra-chemical-electro-sexual-mindfuck set, was this guy named sean meehan, and what he did was put a small cymbol point down on a snare drum and hit it at a constant speed with this hammer. it was a very meditative sight, a room full of people sitting around this guy on a folding chair hitting a drum. it was a real punk rock show. then he took out these sticks and spun them on the cymbol to pull these aching tones from out of nothing.

need to find a hand to grab to find a place to find a place to rest my head

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 04:14:15 GMT

so if you read back a couple entries you'll read about a girl that tried to contact me through friendster over a year ago. well this story has a conclusion now. she instant messaged me two days ago.

your hand rejoicing in mine

aphex twin//vorbhosbn

she shaved her dreads, and she is beautiful and i am rejoicing in these hands

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 03:44:09 GMT

ram dass following loose armed and like armed boys in grey too big trenchcoats, this weird animal-like call echoing in his eyes, ringing like bells and now footprints lead off in this direction, they start painting themselves into a new place, we hear breathing, people talking in a foreign tongue, young ones speak behind the curtains and bead their hair, oh the time that has passed, you feel swallowed, helpless, floating in the vaccuum, you here young ones sing, a heartbeat-like sound, it swallows you in its slow ocean flow, you are floating here now, breathing, aware, terribly, terribly aware ---oh the things you have seen, oh the things that we have seen fall to the earth, plain soldier child, speak now in new tongues to the people you shall kill, and believe that as the earth is swallowed in flames you shall march still into the burning coal of NOW-----shining and making warm sounds, he wakes up slow and with pale eyes sees the sunlight behind his window, he has a cold sweat on his forehead and lower back, the ceiling is yellowish, he sighs and listens to the traffic outside, quiet, he listens now only to his breath, takes it to his center, climbs it down, he hears things on all sides of him, strange things, like song but-far off. sunlight hits the ground. people pick up after the flood. good morning soldier, your battle is over, you have slept, you are alive. he sighs again, the people around him picking up debris, bodies, some of the children are grinning. most of the houses are damaged and unlivable. a car tries to start somewhere far off. we are carried through the air, off-white clouds and color fading out, the sunlight starts to dim, the rush of wind downward---nothing is holding us, no sky, no atmosphere, the ground is too far, everything is dark and--hear something off to the left, like breathing, like, speaking...

my country is winter

Thu, 02 Sep 2004 05:09:09 GMT

i'm at hampshire now, in my dorm room. most of the other chillens are sleeping. its all right here and i'm sure it will become amazing once the awkwardness of not knowing anyone fades. not really much has happened, just moving shit, starting to meet people shit. i really wish classes would just start, there is still a week of annoying and semi-pointless orientation, but whatever

i only got two hours of sleep last night, uh which sucks. but it was awesome. adriana, myself, alex and mickey chilled with kameel for our last night. he led us to some strange hidden dock down port that is like rotting and has a huge piece missing, making most of it accessible only by lunatic behavior. kameel shimmied over to the far part and gathered ropes. then we smoked on a less shady dock and climbed on heavy machinery and hopped fences out of there.

we chilled with laura for a while, saw this crazy truck-driving rasta at 711 who was singing rasta music to us. then we all chilled at kim's in honor of my and laura's last night. so that was a grand old time. kameel made me a sick sorceror's staff with adriana that has some strange fossilized artichoke on top. but it is a menacing artichoke. and its made of adriana's light bulb.

so like after getting about two hours sleep like i said we drove up here and unpacked, nothing too exciting. the day was plagued by suedo awkwardness but it wasn't that bad. there are so many intriguing people here, and so many beautiful girls. tonight ended with this incredible performance by this group called universes, and i couldn't possibly explain the insane brilliance of these poets except to say that mickey quigley would have loved it.

i came to the gates of the fabled pink city, hungry and tired and cold...

Tue, 31 Aug 2004 06:03:24 GMT

...swing low, sweet jewel-encrusted chariot comin' for to carry me home

kameel is making me a sorceror's staff

tomorrow is my last day in this house, wednesday i leave for hampshire

i need to ship 42 glass bowls...heeh
enough madness! enough death! enough enough enough!!

Fri, 27 Aug 2004 13:37:32 GMT

i can't figure out if this fucking show is supposed to be in english or spanish

---violent rapping sound at the window-----

Thu, 26 Aug 2004 04:33:31 GMT

last night i puked in the bakery smoke spot. madman dro, acidic dinner, depresso mood, bad combination. earlier that day i smoked with justin from bakery and joe from grocery on my break, which was nice and makes me hopeful

later on chilled with laura, carolyn, caithlin, phil, the bamboo forest, later on kim, downport.
at work today another cashier told me he saw me there. we talked about the numerous shady people down there, about how aparently certain people were jumping over flights of stairs (quigley's in florida, who was this???), and certain black citizens started causing a ruckus thinking it was some white girl trying to kill herself. i don't know

um, at work someone left me these notes. the first one was on receipt paper, and was folded in such a way that opening it revealed the consecutive letters of my first name. the note says:
reid-
you are so
cute! be my
valentine!
love from afar,
your secret
admirererer

the second one has a heart with an arrow through it and sayys:
reid-
i'm watching you
from afar you
sexy hunk of man!
when are ya gonna tickle
my fancy?
-yours truly

i don't know
those were left on my register about ten minutes apart right as i started working today. the bookkeeper said she knew who it was but couldn't tell me. she told me it was a girl who works in the store, but it must have been someone i don't know.
i don't know

there is the girl who works in the deli, her name phonetically is sherry, not sure how she spells it. but she is...seeing her punch out and sit two parking spots away in her car when we are on break at the same time or just seeing her pass by---she has a shaved head and tomboyish style and slightly pouty, sleepy expression and well, she is absolutely beautiful, everything that makes my heart move around
it probably wasn't her. i don't know

uhm, well my family has left for maryland, except my dad. so painful, not really painful. weird feeling of living alone.

any other thoughts? oh, i like the way i am healing here, growing together in such beautiful fractal patterns, one of the largest funerals the world had ever seen, i would love to see you, a man raises his hand

i miss adriana

semillas de pajaro

Tue, 24 Aug 2004 05:55:36 GMT

we leave the house--in recovery from bustingmyasstocloseintime work, and can't wait to just chill, float away into dreary bliss, hazy ganja heaven away from toil and frustration. we are wasting time waiting for caithlin to call. alex need cigarettes.

on the way to sunoco i was driving down 25a and i see this pickuptruck on the other side speeding in what seems to be like a diagnol line across both lanes. i look over my shoulder-the truck seems lower than the road, stationary. in the median, a ditch.

we get the cigarettes, run into laura, and then go back the other way to check out the accident. as we get into our car the giant screaming motherfucking siren in the middle of mount sinai blares, so yeah the vague outline of an accident is confirmed. we drive back down 25 and see this big truck and a small car sitting in this ditch, surrounded by cops and ambulences and fire vehicles, both cars rather fucked up. so that was weird.

still waiting for caithlin, driving down by the school and we see ben and kurt kujawski riding their bikes in the road at night, so we run them off the road while blaring the horn and yelling profanity.

we turn around and meet them in front of tom brosnan's car. alex talks to the two fucking crazos for a while, i drift off a little with a cigarette. they talk about their crazy fucking shit, potato guns and box car mania and falling off bikes while standing on the seats and getting asphalt imbedded in the palms of hands, yea, and soon caithlin calls

and we go pick her up. we drive by the accident scene, both cars still there, all emergency personel gone. heh. we drive down to the tim david spot, which is like in this series of circular roads behind tim david's rich development, which is clearly going to become an even richer development.

so we blaze a few bowls and chill. her company is so soothing, like it has healing potential. at one point we recalled and recorded a list andrew and i made a long time ago one stoned night which scaled the classiness of various illicit substances.

heeh, yea and so like ten minutes before we must depart this car pulls up behind us. we are parked facing a dead end leading into a big field, the only way out of it is to back up. two other cars show up and sit so that the three of them are totally blocking us in. they all shine their brights at us, we here somewhat drunken angry comments, who the fuck are they, they honk their horns and rev engines in strange rhythmic patterns.

then the car behind us pulls right up and the two on the sides pull up to our windows. at this point we realize these are just strange psuedo friendly bizzaro drunken or not boys, probably older than us. most of them seem decent enough, although a few were quite psychotic, like one with a big framed picture of a bacon cheeseburger which he pressed against my window and the windsheild with his body while making strange sounds. one of them informed us they were just messing around, and this was a spot they frequented as well. so whatever, the boneheads left (not before one through a beer bottle next to my car, exploding everywhere) at the exact time we had previously decided to leave. so it was strange but harmless.

and of course, the merry prankster trip runs its course, of course, finding our respective roads

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 06:34:29 GMT

starzRprojekterz: hello ma'am
GLITTER Y COOKIE: who is this again
starzRprojekterz: andrew\
starzRprojekterz: i am in rehab
starzRprojekterz: my parents sent me away a long long time ago
GLITTER Y COOKIE: omg andrew???
GLITTER Y COOKIE: do you talk to reid online or anything?
starzRprojekterz: this is the first time i have touched a computer in half a year
GLITTER Y COOKIE: whoa dude
GLITTER Y COOKIE: whoa
GLITTER Y COOKIE: is it the last time you will too?
starzRprojekterz: no
GLITTER Y COOKIE: or will you be able to talk to reid
GLITTER Y COOKIE: he misses you sooooooo bad
starzRprojekterz: through letters---very shortly
starzRprojekterz: you are the first person from home i have talked to
GLITTER Y COOKIE: whoa
GLITTER Y COOKIE: wow
starzRprojekterz: i am in las vegas on vacation from the hab with my parents but i have been in utah all this time
starzRprojekterz: i thought i was only going to be away for a few weeks
GLITTER Y COOKIE: wow
GLITTER Y COOKIE: man dude
starzRprojekterz: if you get to talk to reid tell him that i love him dearly
GLITTER Y COOKIE: i will love!
GLITTER Y COOKIE: im on my way out
starzRprojekterz: where to?
GLITTER Y COOKIE: but ill tell him and im glad youre doing OK
GLITTER Y COOKIE: oh im going to bed, i got back from boston half an hour ago and im absoltuely dead
starzRprojekterz: i see
starzRprojekterz: i am disappointed to see you go
starzRprojekterz: you are the first contact with outsiders i havee had in a long time
GLITTER Y COOKIE: awwwww
GLITTER Y COOKIE: love
GLITTER Y COOKIE: i know but its mad late...leave reid a comment in his livejournal
GLITTER Y COOKIE: www.livejournal.com/users/launiverseestas
starzRprojekterz: before you go let me say a few quick things
GLITTER Y COOKIE: yes
starzRprojekterz: i will be out of the hab sometime in the fall
starzRprojekterz: so yeah
starzRprojekterz: untill then
starzRprojekterz: farewell for now
GLITTER Y COOKIE: damn
GLITTER Y COOKIE: okay love well best wishes
starzRprojekterz: thanks
starzRprojekterz: bye
GLITTER Y COOKIE: goodniiiightttttt
GLITTER Y COOKIE: :X
GLITTER Y COOKIE: good luck
starzRprojekterz: :-)bye

soon (talkin' them same old miserable world war III blues)

Mon, 23 Aug 2004 06:29:08 GMT

the last ten days have passed
quite a blur, mental shockwaves still resonating here in this electrochemo matrix. since that shroom trip. ultimate merry prankster trip! to the---edge, on a knife. alex, quigley, and i, and three eighths, and all night. seeing through everything, seeing through to everything. the most satisfying trippinyrballsoffatsunrisemindfuck of my life. riding down that love trip down on raindrops sitting here, down on the ground down here, recovering all fetal and cerebral, and oh the viiibrationss...
we still communicate in this extra-sensory plane-deoxyribose-hyperspace---
and sure i'd like to sew you in
so i wouldn't have to watch you swim
in that deep dark sea 'neath the vault of heaven

it was indescribable beauty--here, local, in these minds buzzing beehives hidden behind one another endlessly like two mirrors facing eachother and- imagining death and000

well, fairly uneventful after that, a lot of work. quigs in florida. we are all departing soon. exodus, aaaand

after that who knows----off! to edge city

there are things that slip away, like our endless numbered days

Fri, 13 Aug 2004 19:00:25 GMT

so this is my day. i'm looking for pictures of my friends to bring with me to school. i know a few of them have friendster, so i decide to use my friendster profile (which i got at the prompting of a friend but did a half-assed job with and only looked at once). i see that i have a few messages that i have never seen. i got this at the beginning of last summer, and all the messages are from that summer, one year ago.

of these messages, two stand out. they are from the same girl, from long island, named Corinna. the first is just her sn. the second says: i am sorry that my first message to you was so impersonal. you intrigue me in a meaningles. please
mssg me sometime...peas :) we listen to the same music, she describes herself in a way that makes me think of the kind of girl i want to love. she has dreadlocks and a lip ring, and is beautiful. she sent me those messages almost a year ago, and i got them today.

i have to go to work

AND TREES ATTACK!!!!!------trees, so green, and gentle

Tue, 10 Aug 2004 19:06:23 GMT

you were like the dog's tenor, like the dog's broken eyes and my keys dangle by her feet----so much to do so many to meet-----stay off your feet new mother earth

i am in love, my brain is spread out all over this cracker thin body

today i am going to go to woods until i need to work instead for money so no time to think

i finished a couple songs, if anyone wants to here them im me, otherwise they will be up on purevolume.com soon

the duck just scored on the penguins

i am going to school soon. and i want to meet a girl with pouty lips and on the shorter side but tomboyish and smart and strong with long auburn or short shaved hair with spontaneous tendancies and autumn brown or green eyes with eyelids that are a little sleepy always and not necessarily a lot of makeup, maybe a lip ring or some other such sexy thing, and i want to fall in love with her---the kind of woman that i can't find but still look for

mmmm-----wellll, that means that my feet are frozen into the ice--
and my parents will not be home from thursday to saturday so chill here friends